Intro: One thing I took away from Texas Style Council was that it's okay to be vulnerable. A lot of times in the past I felt like I was shielding myself from writing personal posts on my blog because I was too nervous about what others would think or that if I shared too much of myself it wouldn't feel right. In the past I have written some life thoughts, but over time my posts got less personal, and more factual. For example I talk about things happening day to day, the weather, family events, etc. I usually don't go into detail about my personal life, for obvious reasons. I think deep down we're all afraid of being judged, but since I have a public blog, I know that judging is bound to happen. In the past I have reached more people through the posts that were more honest and made me vulnerable than the ones that were just plain and vague.
I dug pretty deep into my brain while in Texas and wrote down a lot of things I wanted to talk about on my blog. I spoke with some of my friends (especially Renee & Roxy) about how I struggle with wanting to be more personal, but how I end up just choosing not to share because it's easier to hide that side of myself. Where am I going with this? That's where this idea was born. Thoughts on Thursdays is a series I am starting today that I will be writing hopefully once a week on thoughts regarding a certain subject or personal experience. I plan on being a lot more honest with sharing personal stories, and opinions on various topics. I hope you'll follow along and enjoy this new journey with me!
Today I am going to talk about something most women dread talking about. LOVE and relationships. I started writing about this topic and realized there are so many dimensions to be covered. I decided to split up what I want to say into a few categories. These are things that have happened in my past that taught me a lot about myself, and about relationships in general. I get a lot of questions about personal issues and since I feel like I have been through a good amount of experiences, I want to be able to connect with others who have gone through similar things.
Putting all of your eggs in one basket. I like to call this the "all or nothing" category. Let me start off by saying that unfortunately, not everyone is as honest as you think they are. I don't even think it's because people want to lie sometimes, but more because they just don't know how to be honest with themselves. I know a lot of girls (myself in the past) who put their lives on hold for their significant others. They spent their time hanging on their boyfriends every last move, and lost their identity. After everything was said and done and their boyfriend left them, they had no one to turn to. Just because you get a boyfriend doesn't mean that the rest of your life is over. Keep your hobbies, keep your friends, and more importantly maintain an identity outside of your relationship. It's a beautiful thing to fall in love and be with someone but you always need to remember who you are too.
When you start making excuses for people. This topic is an interesting one. What do you do when everyone in your life is telling you that someone isn't right for you. Chances are you're going to get defensive right? You will make every excuse in the book as to why someone is treating you how they do. What you really need to do is think about what your loved ones are saying to you. Remember that they know you very well, and care about your well-being and happiness more than anything. Sometimes the people in our lives can see things that we don't see when we are wrapped up in the situation. I trust the people in my life to give me honest opinions about the people I have dated, and usually they're always on point with their predictions. Be open to hearing people out, and start to think about what's good for you.
Make time to love yourself. So often we get into relationships and expect another human being to make us happy. This is probably the worst thing you can do. I'm not saying the person you're with shouldn't make you happy, but they shouldn't be the only thing in your life keeping your happiness afloat. The sooner you feel comfortable and love yourself, the sooner you will realize what you deserve and don't deserve. Sometimes people stay in relationships because they don't think they can do any better. News flash. YOU CAN DO BETTER. Anyone who tries to bring you down and tell you that you can't, is simply lying. I have learned from experience that anyone who deliberately tells you that you're not good enough, is just trying to keep you from achieving your true potential. I heard someone say once "you complete yourself" and it couldn't be more true. You need to cultivate self love and happiness before you can expect that to be reciprocated in a relationship.
Some relationships are here to teach us how to let go.
Not every relationship is going to work out, but you need to trust that the universe has other plans for you. Every mistake, every broken heart, every tear has brought me to my present moment. I never thought I would find someone who would treat me well, and love me for who I am. Thinking back to my past relationships, I am truly happy that they happened because I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't have learned what I deserve, nor would I have known how important it is to find someone that you truly connect with. And it's completely okay that things don't work out sometimes. I don't hold grudges against anyone because it's a huge waste of time, and is only harming my growing process. People are who they are, and different people connect on different levels. I promise you that there is someone out there who is a great match for you, and will love you, flaws and all. I know how frustrating it can be sometimes, and I know the most annoying saying is "It'll be there when you're not looking for it" but trust me, from experience I can say that it couldn't be more true.
Being in a relationship means that you find someone who makes your life better. Never settle for anything less. If you're questioning staying with someone for any reason at all, make sure you reach out to those closest to you. Always remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you'll find your perfect match when you least expect it!
And since I am deciding to be more personal on my blog, here's a picture of the love of my life, Ryan. I hope you guys found this post meaningful, and if you have any ideas on topics please email me, I would love to hear them.
(Intro photo courtesy of pinterest)
