Thoughts On Thursdays : Relationships & Failed Attempts

Intro: One thing I took away from Texas Style Council was that it's okay to be vulnerable. A lot of times in the past I felt like I was shielding myself from writing personal posts on my blog because I was too nervous about what others would think or that if I shared too much of myself it wouldn't feel right. In the past I have written some life thoughts, but over time my posts got less personal, and more factual. For example I talk about things happening day to day, the weather, family events, etc. I usually don't go into detail about my personal life, for obvious reasons. I think deep down we're all afraid of being judged, but since I have a public blog, I know that judging is bound to happen. In the past I have reached more people through the posts that were more honest and made me vulnerable than the ones that were just plain and vague.

I dug pretty deep into my brain while in Texas and wrote down a lot of things I wanted to talk about on my blog. I spoke with some of my friends (especially Renee & Roxy) about how I struggle with wanting to be more personal, but how I end up just choosing not to share because it's easier to hide that side of myself. Where am I going with this? That's where this idea was born. Thoughts on Thursdays is a series I am starting today that I will be writing hopefully once a week on thoughts regarding a certain subject or personal experience. I plan on being a lot more honest with sharing personal stories, and opinions on various topics. I hope you'll follow along and enjoy this new journey with me!

Today I am going to talk about something most women dread talking about. LOVE and relationships. I started writing about this topic and realized there are so many dimensions to be covered. I decided to split up what I want to say into a few categories. These are things that have happened in my past that taught me a lot about myself, and about relationships in general. I get a lot of questions about personal issues and since I feel like I have been through a good amount of experiences, I want to be able to connect with others who have gone through similar things. 

Putting all of your eggs in one basket. I like to call this the "all or nothing" category. Let me start off by saying that unfortunately, not everyone is as honest as you think they are. I don't even think it's because people want to lie sometimes, but more because they just don't know how to be honest with themselves. I know a lot of girls (myself in the past) who put their lives on hold for their significant others. They spent their time hanging on their boyfriends every last move, and lost their identity. After everything was said and done and their boyfriend left them, they had no one to turn to. Just because you get a boyfriend doesn't mean that the rest of your life is over. Keep your hobbies, keep your friends, and more importantly maintain an identity outside of your relationship. It's a beautiful thing to fall in love and be with someone but you always need to remember who you are too.

When you start making excuses for people. This topic is an interesting one. What do you do when everyone in your life is telling you that someone isn't right for you. Chances are you're going to get defensive right? You will make every excuse in the book as to why someone is treating you how they do. What you really need to do is think about what your loved ones are saying to you. Remember that they know you very well, and care about your well-being and happiness more than anything. Sometimes the people in our lives can see things that we don't see when we are wrapped up in the situation. I trust the people in my life to give me honest opinions about the people I have dated, and usually they're always on point with their predictions. Be open to hearing people out, and start to think about what's good for you.

Make time to love yourself. So often we get into relationships and expect another human being to make us happy. This is probably the worst thing you can do. I'm not saying the person you're with shouldn't make you happy, but they shouldn't be the only thing in your life keeping your happiness afloat. The sooner you feel comfortable and love yourself, the sooner you will realize what you deserve and don't deserve. Sometimes people stay in relationships because they don't think they can do any better. News flash. YOU CAN DO BETTER. Anyone who tries to bring you down and tell you that you can't, is simply lying. I have learned from experience that anyone who deliberately tells you that you're not good enough, is just trying to keep you from achieving your true potential. I heard someone say once "you complete yourself" and it couldn't be more true. You need to cultivate self love and happiness before you can expect that to be reciprocated in a relationship.

Some relationships are here to teach us how to let go.
Not every relationship is going to work out, but you need to trust that the universe has other plans for you. Every mistake, every broken heart, every tear has brought me to my present moment. I never thought I would find someone who would treat me well, and love me for who I am. Thinking back to my past relationships, I am truly happy that they happened because I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't have learned what I deserve, nor would I have known how important it is to find someone that you truly connect with. And it's completely okay that things don't work out sometimes. I don't hold grudges against anyone because it's a huge waste of time, and is only harming my growing process. People are who they are, and different people connect on different levels. I promise you that there is someone out there who is a great match for you, and will love you, flaws and all.  I know how frustrating it can be sometimes, and I know the most annoying saying is "It'll be there when you're not looking for it" but trust me, from experience I can say that it couldn't be more true.

Being in a relationship means that you find someone who makes your life better. Never settle for anything less. If you're questioning staying with someone for any reason at all, make sure you reach out to those closest to you. Always remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you'll find your perfect match when you least expect it!

And since I am deciding to be more personal on my blog, here's a picture of the love of my life, Ryan. I hope you guys found this post meaningful, and if you have any ideas on topics please email me, I would love to hear them.
(Intro photo courtesy of pinterest)

What I Know At 28 : A Birthday Note

Every year I write a meaningful post about things I have learned that have taught me different lessons in life. Every year I plan for this post, as it is my favorite post to write. This year, I found myself stressing out and deleting everything I had previously written. It's the morning of my birthday, and here I am, thinking and stressing about what to write. 

Instead of thinking, I am just going to wing it, and hope it all makes sense. So here it is, what I have learned in my 28 years on this earth. The good, the bad, the pretty & ugly. If you want to view my posts from previous years, here they are. December 2013, December 2012.

Here goes nothing....

When matters of the heart are concerned, never settle. If you have questions or concerns that aren't addressed then you need to find those answers for yourself.

There will be times in life when everything seems to crumble around you. When getting out of bed is questionable and you just want to give up on everything & everyone. My advice? Keep going, keep pushing through. You have to show up. No one is going to do it for you.

Everyone that comes into your life has a lesson to teach you. I view everyone as a teacher. People come in and out for reasons, and sometimes those reasons are unknown, trust that the universe has a plan. 

As hard as you try, and as nice as you are sometimes people just don't like you. And it just is what it is. You can be the best/nicest person in the whole world, and it still wouldn't matter. Don't blame yourself and always continue to be kind. Some people are just never pleased and that has more to do with them, and less  to do with you.

If your friends or family ever need you. Just be there. Even if you have to sit together in silence, just be there. It means more to them than you will ever know. 

If a guy is into you, he will chase you. Period end of story. He will put in effort if he wants to be in your life. Same goes for any other type of relationship. 

Loneliness builds character. It sucks and hurts, but it molds you to be confident.

Love shouldn't be hard. Of course relationships are "work" but the fundamentals should be there. You should never feel like you can't express yourself or be who you are. You should feel like the best version of yourself when you are with that person. Relationships don't define us, but they should bring out the best in us. When you find the right person you feel it in your bones. You can show them the ugliest parts of you and know that they'll love you regardless. Sometimes love isn't rainbows and butterflies, and that's okay. There are no rules.

You never know what anyone is going through, so treat everyone with kindness and respect. Don't judge anybody.

Appreciate your parents. They are so important , and you'll never realize it until you get older. Those people have been through it all with you. They know who you are inside and out and care about you more than they could ever explain. These two people will ultimately be the people who guide you through your troubles, hug you during your successes and will forever have your back no matter what you do. I am so thankful to have two amazing human beings in my life who continue to be my role models.

Forgiveness doesn't make you weak, in fact I think it makes you stronger.

Life has no blueprint. People get married early, some late and some don't get married at all. Some people have 10 kids, and some have 1. Some people travel the world while others don't leave the state. Don't tell anyone how to live their lives, simply live yours.We all have different paths and no one thinks the same. Always keep an open mind.

A relationship without chemistry is not a relationship at all. If you have to ask yourself whether or not you have chemistry, then you probably don't.

What you put into this world is what you will get in return. Do your best, try your hardest and always show the people in your life how much you care about them. Life is so short, and everything is a blessing. The sooner you realize this the sooner you will wake up feeling like the world is at your fingertips.

Do what you love and the rest will follow. If you put your heart into something, it will pay off.