Sep 26, 2012

My Early 20's : Lessons Learned

There have been moments in my life where I literally feel like I can feel the ground shifting beneath me. These moments change me, and have changed me over the course of my life. I hate admitting this, but the moments that stand out the most, are the horrible ones. The ones where I literally had to pick myself up off the floor and keep it moving.

The other day I found myself sitting on a bench in the middle of FIT doing work. Usually when I sit down to do homework I get sidetracked and end up thinking of other things in between. Well this happened as usual. My best ideas definitely come to me unannounced, and that's exactly how I like it. I am a thinker, over thinking pretty much everything, and hardly ever letting anything slide by without reflecting on it. This is a blessing and a curse. I started thinking back to my 20's. How much I have changed during my "early" 20's and how much I am bound to change towards the "end" of my 20's. I started making a list of things that I feel are important things to carry with you as a mental note. If I had known these things then, I definitely wouldn't have reacted the same, but even so, knowing that I wouldn't change a damn thing.


Real friends will be there when it's inconvenient for them.
Through life (especially your early 20's) you'll definitely notice how your relationships change with people. I had friends I thought I would never go a day without speaking to, and now years later, I barely hear from them and vice versa. You can really fight for friendships, with everything you have...but if the person doesn't want to make an effort to be there for you- they won't be. It's not a terrible thing to grow apart and go your separate ways, and as you get older you learn that it's okay to let go of these things. People change, situations change, and people who want to be in your life, will make every effort they can to be there. It makes me very happy to know that I have so many great friends who would be there for me in a heartbeat, no matter where they are. I don't think these types of relationships should be forced, and if you're constantly feeling like you're putting in more than you're getting, you should probably step back and reevaluate your relationship with that person.

Relationships end, life doesn’t.
I’m not a relationship guru , but I pride myself in really understanding people and situations, and I have to come this simple conclusion. Things end and begin for a reason.I know people tend to think that once you lose a boyfriend or girlfriend that your life simply can’t be the same-and you’re right it won’t be, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I have been in two serious relationships in my life that have both taught me different things. Different things about myself, and others as well. When someone walks away from you, let them go, your fate doesn’t lie on anyone who walks away from you. And, that is the truth. Consider that the person is doing you a favor. If someone isn’t completely into the relationship, is that even a relationship at all? Don’t get me wrong, I have been at the end of it, and thinking my world was colliding in front of my eyes...And the more I began to think about it, the more I realized that things like this happen, and we grow from them. We learn more about ourselves, we also learn how to be self sufficient and not rely on others for our own happiness in life. You will be okay, and you’ll come out of it a little bruised, but that’s how life is...one big learning experience that never fails to surprise you.


Trust your gut.
Growing up I always remember my Mom telling me this. She always told me to follow my intuition, and what I felt was right. Even knowing I should do so, sometimes I go against it completely. This is something I have definitely learned the hard way. Honestly, if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. I can't even count how many times I have looked back on situations saying "I KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN" but for some reason that never deterred me. I think if anything I have learned to listen to myself more. That little voice that pops up when something doesn't sit well, it's usually right, and it shouldn't be ignored.


Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something.

Case in point: This blog, and career switch. I used to care about what people thought, and it got me nowhere. I spent a lot of time wondering if I was doing the right things depending on what feedback people would give me. I started realizing that I wasn’t really doing what I wanted to do, I started living for other people and not myself. There were so many people who didn’t understand why I started a blog, why I would leave a job that is a “secure” career, and why I would decide to change my mind after going to school for five years. "Why would you go back to school? What makes you think you'll even make it in fashion? IT'S SO CUT THROAT."  They may be right, it’s a risky decision, but you know what...at the end of the day it’s my decision, and I am the one living it. I think it's important to remember how much weight people's opinions can carry in on our own lives. These are your decisions, and they are building your future. Sure, input is always great and you can listen, but don’t let it hold you back from what you really want. When I decided to take the plunge and apply to FIT a lot of people weren't really sure how to feel about it, including my parents. They wondered if it was the right decision for me, and ultimately I questioned whether I should follow through with school because of that. I understood where they were coming from, but at the same time it hurt me knowing that they weren't backing MY dream. I decided to go ahead with school and now they couldn't be happier with what I am doing, and how hard I am working to get there. The point is, if you want it, you can do it. There's no limit, and the only thing holding you back in the first place is not doing it at all. You are full of so many infinite opportunities, and you should do as many as you can, while you can...life is way too short.

This is part one of two posts that I have on this topic. I will publish the second half one week from today. Just some thoughts that I am sure some of you can relate to, if you have any things you'd like to share please leave them in the comment section, I would love to read!

23 comments:

  1. gahhhh you really hit the nail on the head with this post. i'm really struggling with #1 and the reality that people grow and change... and that it's ok to grow apart from friends. as for the trusting your gut.... ugh i always have that feeling, ignore it, and then look back and think ''Why dont you trust yourself!!!" haha... anyway, great post and so so true!

    xx, kara

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  2. I am so with you. In my early 20s, my circle of friends were completely different from the ones I have now in my late 20s. There were friends I thought were true and thought would always be there who weren't and easily were willing to leave. I believe and HOPE that my closest friends now will remain until I am old, but I have no idea. I believe we each have seasonal friends that come and go when you will need them. May you continue to have success in your dream as you attend FIT. I knew a bunch of people who applied to them and never even got in. The fact that you did is amazing in itself.
    +Victoria+

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  3. I really enjoyed reading this post, Maria! I feel like a lot of us "20-somethings" go through a quarter-life career crisis and its a tough decision to jump into a different, more passionate career versus continuing on the "secure", yet boring, career path. Kudos to you for doing it!

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  4. These are really great lessons and I have learned them as well. I moved around a lot and you really learn who your true friends are when you don't live right next door to them anymore.

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  5. Lovely and thoughtful way to look back at things. It is so brave of you to do what you want, even if others aren't always backing you. Knowing this lesson though, I'm sure you'll make it. You know to dream big.

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  6. I really enjoyed reading this post of yours! These are some wise words! I very much dislike it when I grow apart from a friend I've known for years but you're right, people do change and situations too; and you're only restricting yourself from moving on by clinging on to the hope that one day you will share the same sort of friendship with that person...

    hillsidestory.net

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  7. Really wonderful post. I could definitely relate and envision the situations where I've learned the same lesson. It's sad to see people distance themselves from you, but when you're the only one doing all of the work, it's not fair to you either. You have to let people go, sometimes. I've also felt my world collapse and I thought I'd never get back up, but I did and life kept moving on. That's the beauty of growing up - Life just keeps going. :)

    xo, Adriana.
    http://horsesofares.blogspot.com

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  8. This is a wonderful post filled with great advice. For someone who is 21 years old, I definitely can learn a lot from what you have to say. I really appreciate that you've shared this insight.

    <3 Melissa
    wildflwrchild.blogspot.com

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  9. you speak words of wisdom. they are amazingly truthful and great advice for all the world to know.

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  10. This is a great post full of great advice. I'm still tackling high school and these are lessons I need to keep in mind, especially the last one. It is so easy to listen to someone who tells you that you can't do something. Also, cute pictures!--Allison
    http://somekingdom.blogspot.com

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  11. I'm only 18, but as someone who just started college, I'm already beginning to learn these things : especially the one about real friends... Coming here and having people who said they'd always be there turn away and make excuse after excuse about why they're too busy to hang out is a real eye opener. Life goes on, though :)
    xo Heather
    http://ahopelessnotebook.blogspot.com/

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  12. You look gorgeous and this is so well written and so honest. Looking forward to the second part! Xo

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  13. This is all so true. Also, I absolutely love your hair.

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  14. What a great post, Maria! I enjoyed every word. Especially the friendships part. I have a friendship (well, you can't really call it that anymore) that is perfectly described here....I had not spoken to them in four months because I DID take the time to step back and be like, "Wow, it's always me putting forth the effort - let me see if she calls, texts, anything now that I've stopped" and sure enough, nothing. I was having a moment, looking at old photographs of all the fun times we've had and caved in yesterday and texted her to let her know that even though we've lost touch, she is still on my mind more often than not. She responded back in the exact way I knew she would, clueless. But it's a dishonest form of not knowing. A bit hard to explain but I'm sure you might have experienced what I'm trying to say. Bottom line is, after her text I felt like a moron and wanted to smack myself for even giving in to old memories. And that's when I was realized that this friendship is more than over and I'll have to be okay with just having the memories of when things were good and convenient for her. It has made me sick to my stomach for too long to know that I did so much for her, like a good friend does (I'm not saying I need a medal), but that I always felt that the feelings stopped being reciprocated and she took that for granted. Anywho, my rant is over. :) Thank you for this. I really, really needed to read it, even though I knew it already.
    Have a great day and good luck to you at FIT!

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  15. hi
    thanks for the comments on my blog ..
    you have a terrific blog ..
    I love vintage clothes .....
    I follow your blog ...................
    хохо

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  16. Live the dream honey, doing something you are passionate will be a succesful venture.

    www.living-thesuite-life.blogspot.com

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  17. go maria! wise words & revelations. i bet there are some people that really need to read this. i bet it will help them get through. yes, i'm serious. :)

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  18. Oh my gosh!! I absolutely love this post. Such an elegant way to express the exact things I've been feeling in my mid-twenties lifestyle. I too, am going back to school to be an educator, and I've been hearing so much negativity. I'm really happy to know that I'm not alone with these feelings, and I just thank you for expressing it so boldly. I love it. And I'm here to mirror back, that you aren't alone!

    Danielle

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  19. I love your last point especially, about caring what others think of you. It's something that I'm only now getting rid of and it is SO FREEING. Decisions can only be made by you and that's what matters. x

    http://www.jenventure.blogspot.co.uk

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  20. Lovely post, truly optimistic and inspiring.
    :)
    http://juliajoyjournal.blogspot.com

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  21. I really liked this post. The friendship part hit home for me. I feel like I'm starting to care less about what people think of me. Zero f**ks given! haha

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  22. Such wonderful lessons learned! I had to learn many of the same lessons as well, especially the one about listening to myself more and trusting my gut. Love your blog (Kimberly Luxe sent me)

    -Chymere Anais
    www.chymereanais.blogspot.com

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